Dear Parmaynu, or should I say Parmaynu OBE-elect! Allow me to introduce myself, I am Carl Pump, an art lover not a fighter (arf!) I was effervescent with joy at the discovery of your wonderful organisation. You could be the answer to my prayers and I hope with all my might that you can assist me. Like most people who enjoy the optical stimulation of a well-crafted paint spread, I have a favourite painting, "Inside Sue*" [Oil on panel], *by acclaimed American artist and editor of Juxtapox magazine, Mark Ryden. Are you familiar with his works: "The Meat Show"; "Anima Mundi", "Meat"; and "Wondertoonel"? His quotes thus: "JUST LIKE T-REX, I MYSELF AM A PASSIONATE MEAT-EATER" and "SUBTLE PINKS GENTLY SWIRL AROUND WITH RICH VERMILLIONS AND FATTY, YELLOW OCHRES", sum him up! I await his latest exhibition agog and hope it includes works-in-progress (W-I-PS), "*Rectangle on haddock" *and *"the unforgiveable insinuation of Jonathan Trousers". *Anyway, I digress. The problem is that *"*Inside Sue*", *or "Captain Irk" as I call her (I am also a massive fan of Star Trek and have figurines of all the characters apart from Scotty, whom I mistrust) appears to me to have slipped into a deep depression. She has developed a tendency to loll inconsolably in her frame and spends many afternoons appearing slightly darker than I remember, with saddened creases in her canvas. I have set out two "emoticons" below which show his change in mood: Before: +=3D=3D=3D After: 7; As you will appreciate, I am at my *wit's end*. I do not know the precise reason for her melancholy, I can only assume it is a result of the end of some tryst she was involved with, possibly with the Ivorian candlestick tha= t lives on the French dresser whom I have always considered too openly wanton for her station. I call her a harlot in the strongest sense of irked irony but await the W-I-PS! What ho! So I turn to you, Parmaynu, the bat (ping-pong (bat) (colloquial)/table tennis (bat)). I need to book Captain Irk in for some therapy and was wondering how I go about that? Can it be done *in situ* or must I transport her, frame and all, to your offices (therapy power stations)? I am very healthy (apart from asthma (don't worry I have a whizzer)) and could easily afford fees of up to =A330 per hour for your services (minus travel expenses). If you could pass me details of procedure I will endeavou= r to put the wheels in motion. I look forward to hearing from you with eager anticipation, like a humming bird. Yours sincerely, Carl Pump

[ Add Your Comment Quoting This Message ]
[ Add Your Comment On This Subject ]