Sirs I have been told that the white horses of Wiltshire move at night and meet up to partake in barn dancing events. I have watched the Westbury one for several weeks and it has not budged a singe inch. Now over tired I was wondering could someone take a turn on my nightly vigil. I have tent and telescope in place and a full stock of beverages and spam. I predict no longer than a couple more weeks and we should witness this wonderful event. Regards Lutetium Mendeleev http://lutetiummendeleev.blogspot.com/

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Subject: Re: Horse Views
Posted by Increment Flange on 09:48 20/Jun/08 :

Dear Madam, Are you quite sure the horse at Westbury isn't moving very, very, very, very (or perhaps even) very slowly? These things are somewhat tricksy. I know this from detailed observation of the Rood Mane of Cern (that well known hair-covered cross etched using particle physics in the chalk downs surrounding Geneva.) I urge you to take regular and detailed measurements from snout and tail to a fixed reference point in the landscape (perhaps the Ocarina Tower at Lower Mendlepintle?) to ensure it is not creeping off the hillside. Perhaps it is time to invest in a laser range finder? I would offer to help in your worthwhile activity but alas I have a ripe crop of caravans and they are not going to harvest themselves. I remain, indifferent, etc. IF

This message was edited on 09:58 20/Jun/08

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Subject: Re: Horse Views
Posted by Mendeleev on 23:12 20/Jun/08 :

Dearest IF Muchly thanks for your most facilitating correspondence. I am indebted to your knowledge on this matter. I have after a somewhat uncomfortable evening of horse watching (primary cause a chilli based offering for high tea)arrived at a crossroads of plausible expanation. I fear laser gadgetry may not be the answer and I may indeed need to turn the blindest of eyes to these horse based felanderings. I fear I have been rumbled, they know I am watching, so have held off on party central. In light of this I passed a small whispered request to the clover eating pigeon in my garden. He is an extremely accomodating fowl and was ever ready and willing to keep watch for me. I trust the movement if only chalk creepage will soon commence. So pleased to hear of your caravan harvest. Has the season been kind to you? I know the recent vinegar grouting must have been difficult for you and wish you well. I myself prefer the maisonette but this is purely due to my own penchant for top heavy living and shallow literature. Much Haste Lutetium Mendeleev.

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Subject: Re: Horse Views
Posted by Increment Flange on 15:10 21/Jun/08 :

I was somewhat taken aback when I read this reply. Surprised and not a little hurt, I immediately took a flight to Haiti and began a protracted consultation with a number of voodo practitioners with a view to getting a curse put in place. Imagine my delight when once back at my hotel I realised I'd misread 'haste' for 'hate'! Well, how we all laughed and even the rooster looked relieved (though I feel it was almost certainly just delaying the inevitable for him.) They assured me that voodo can be swiftly turned into voodon't so I am indeed hopeful that the various charming ceremonies were curtailed in plenty of time. The season has indeed been most kind, thank you. The ever-present threat of blight (due to the dampness of the sunlight) was somewhat ameliorated by the vigour of the vinegar grouting this year. Fortunately, in late May I was able to employ a passing coach load of Romanian Computational Fluid Dynamics Engineers (though I suspect at least three were actually Lithuanian and probably Ervins was really a Latvian) who assisted in the process with admirable vim. I do hope the vigil is going well - by fair means or 'fowl' - and that any little all-over-body prickling sensations or stupendous bad luck will be merely co-incidental. Anyway, I must swiftly return to the field. The grommets need greasing lest the inclined trunions become flaccid. I'm sure you know all too well how even one missed diurnal splineshank can cause such issues. Fortunately the spokeshave has been specially augmented for just this purpose! Do please keep us updated with any progress. I remain, disenchanted, disenfranchised, etc. Yours I. Flange, Ph.D. B.A. (Hons)

This message was edited on 15:12 21/Jun/08, 15:12 21/Jun/08, 15:17 21/Jun/08

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Subject: Re: Horse Views
Posted by Roger the Cricket Bat on 17:00 26/Aug/08 :

IT IS I, ROGER THE CRICKET BAT! I SAW THEM I DID! I SAW THOSE PESKY HORSES IN MY NIGHT-CLUB!!! Would you like to see them dance? They are very entertaining- with the hip hop music on full volume.

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Subject: Re: Horse Views
Posted by Harold Chechnia on 19:38 17/Jan/09 :

Hello there fellow horse hunters! I hope i can be of assistance, I was in my local Tesco branch in Swanich when i noticed an unacompanied horse in isle 4 sniffing a bag of rice, apparently they are used for 'guide' purposes. Perhaps this could be of use to you. Yours Faithfully Harold Chechnia

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